It was an unusually warm November night. I was preparing to take a trip to the local GameStop. They were having a midnight release party for Assassin's Creed 2. I figured if I showed up at around eleven I could secure a decent position in line. I grab my keys, phone, and wallet and head out the door. I notice my neighbor Simon Louis has removed himself from his perch early this week as I walked out to my car. He normally stares at my window a few days longer. However, as I approached GameStop I soon forgot all about Mr. Louis and his freakish habits. My head was filled with thoughts of Assassin's Creed 2. Oh how I would play the hell out of that game.
I arrived at the GameStop to find an abundance of cars in the parking lot. So many, in fact, that I am forced to park at a Burger King well out of a comfortable walking distance from the GameStop. The Burger King was closed already for some reason, thus the parking lot was relatively dark. Being an inherent coward, I sat in my car for a few minutes to observe my surroundings. Other than a medium sized cardboard box, it would have to be the cleanest and emptiest fast food parking lot I had ever been to. I turned off my car, got out, and locked the doors. That's when I heard a rustling sound. The coward in me took over and I darted off. Luckily the coward was just as out of shape as the rest of me. I had only made it about twenty five feet from my car before getting tired. I turned around slowly, expecting to see a monster so fearsome that it would cause me to lose control of my bowels briefly. But nothing was there.
I began my slow march towards the Gamestop. I pulled out my iPhone to check the time. It was only 11:15, I still had plenty of time. That was about when I heard the rustling sound again. I walked a little farther before turning around suddenly to catch the perpetrator. I was astonished to find the cardboard box had followed me. After a few minutes of walking towards it, away from it, running, strafing to the side, and anything else that involved movement, I determined that no matter what I did the box stayed the same exact distance from me. Satisfied that it was only a magic box following me, I pressed on.
Finally, I made it to the GameStop. I began to navigate my way through the messily parked cars. Suddenly, I was jerked off my feet and landed flat on my back. I got up and tried to move forward with all my might, but to no avail. Some invisible force was pulling me backwards. I turn around and began to backtrack, looking for whatever I was caught on, or what was caught on me. Nothing, nada, I couldn't find a thing. I tried the same path again, and was met with the same result. Frustrated, I walked around the cars. Sure, it wasn't much slower than walking through the center, but tonight had been complicated so far. I mean, how often does a midnight release of a game attract over one hundred people in a small town, an empty cardboard box follow you, and invisible barriers hamper progress through a parking lot.
I arrived at the doors of the GameStop. Oddly enough I could hear techno music blaring. I opened the doors and was instantly teleported to a dark room, illuminated only by disco ball and glow sticks. Apparently the Assassin's Creed 2 midnight release party was actually a rave. Even more shocking than the rave itself was the one person I never expected to see, Simon Louis. I guess even freaks of nature like him can have normal hobbies like video gaming. The thought of him being normal was quickly destroyed when he began eating some glow sticks and slapping the wall with his sickeningly long arms, knocking games from their resting place on the shelves in the process. It was 11:45, the line up would begin soon. Until then, I decided I'd go make small talk with the staff to guarantee one of the first spots in the line. I began walking towards the front desk, carefully stepping over the bodies of some unconscious teenagers. At least I hoped they were unconscious. A few feet from the front desk I was once again lifted off my feet and slammed into the ground.
I started screaming obscenities at the sky, cursing the heavens. Did they want me to go crazy? I turned around to see if anything was visibly holding me back this time. Once again, I couldn't see a thing that would make a forward advance impossible. I then realized that I couldn't see the magic cardboard box. I ran towards the door of the GameStop and looked outside. There it was, the same distance as usual. I backed up slowly while watching the box. Slowly, slowly, slowly, the box inched closer to the door. It was now pressing up against the safety glass, unable to move any farther. That's when I realized my invisible link with the box is what was preventing me from moving forward. Earlier, it had been caught on one of the cars in the parking lot. I figured if I got the box aligned with the GameStop door I could force it to open since it swung inward. I spent a few minutes carefully aligning myself and the box, and in one swift motion I jerked forward. The door didn't budge.
I walked back to the door and opened it fully, then ran forward as fast as I could so I could get the box inside. I was never fast enough, though. I was whipped off my feet every single time. It was 11:55, if I wanted to get this game I needed to kick reason to the curb. I started straining forward as hard as I could. No magically attached cardboard box was going to keep me from Assassin's Creed 2! Every muscle in my body was screaming in pain, the very fibers of my being felt as though they were being torn asunder, I could feel my soul violently being ripped from my body. This just encouraged me to scream for help, "Someone please open the front door for me!" It seemed nobody was answering my plea for help. I just kept tugging, trying to gain ground. That's when I saw my neighbor, Simon Louis, begin to reach for the door. It moved in slow motion, his freakishly long arm coming from the back of the store and gripping the handle, like some majestic angel sent from Heaven to help me. He opened the front door, the box flew in, and I immediately fell forward and slammed my head into the front desk. I awoke two hours later to a forehead covered in blood, a headache, and a copy of Assassin's Creed 2 on my chest. For some reason I felt a sense of accomplishment, like one of the Native Americans that survived the Trail of Tears. The cardboard box was gone, the store was empty, the walk back to my car was peaceful, and the game was excellent. Sadly, I didn't get to enjoy the game long, as I was rushed to the hospital due to my concussion. I guess it's alright to miss the midnight release of a new game sometimes. Waiting that extra day may save you a lot of pain and grief.
—J-Set
