Once Upon a Time there was a loverly Princess named Princess Apricot. Princess Apricot was not the prettiest of all the maidens of the land, nor was she the wittiest, funniest, most tenacious, best at archery, finest at cooking, nor was she even decent at croquet. She was plain ole’ average. No arguing with it.
So, obviously, one day after coming back from working at the coal mines, Princess Apricot found a note stapled to her armoire. It read:
“Dear Most Wonderful Princess of the Land,
Would ye care to play a game of chess?
Signed,
Michael”
Not knowing how to play chess but desperately in love with the butcher’s son Michael, Princess Apricot silently accepted the challenge. Even though she was not the prettiest or greatest princess of all the land, maybe Michael could see past that and love her for her own, unique, special qualities. Maybe he liked her as she like him! Maybe one day they could be married and he could be king! But the “maybes” soon drowned away when she remembered who she was.
Needless to say, she was clinically depressed.
She proudly walked out of her room, note clutched in her hand, ready to face Michael’s wonderful face and start their happy life together. Luckily, he was the first person she encountered. She gleefully hands him his note to her and says:
“Michael, I accept your challenge! When is the best time for thee?”
Even though she was a princess, Princess Apricot was competitive; something she knew he would eventually come to love. Starting today.
“Oh, hi, Princess. . . Apricot,” Michael stammered, taken aback. He looked at the note, read it over twice, and looked up into Princess Apricot’s eyes.
Oh, they are so beautiful and brown, she thought.
Michael continued, “This was meant for your sister. Sorry.”
Dumbstruck, Princess Apricot held back tears as she watched the would-be love of her life walk away into her sister’s arms.
Realizing that boys and relationships were too complicated to deal with and are actually for pansies, Princess Apricot took up flying lessons and became a fighter pilot in the Royal Flying Aces Academy. There she found her true purpose in life and was believed to be the most adept fighter pilot ever.
But one day her plane ran through a cloud filled with sleet and she was never seen again.
Because, of course, she wasn’t the best at avoiding sleet clouds, either.
—Kepano Jenkins
